Why are Poodles the worst dogs?
Yes, that’s right: the worst.
Enough about how Poodles are excellent watchdogs and even better working dogs. They’re not. They’re not even good companions. From a young age, a Poodle is destined to be a sissy, yappy dog without charisma.
They’re boring dogs with nasty temperaments and even nastier appearances. And, no… you can’t even make Poodles prettier even if you mix them with other dogs like Labradors to get Labradoodles or Goldendoodles. They’re all hideous!
If you’re in the Poodle haters club, too, or you’re just wondering why they annoy you so much, here are the top 10 reasons why Poodles are the worst!
1. They’re Old… Like, Really Old
Do you know that Poodles are really old… almost ancient? Who would wish for a dog breed so old? They’ve been here for a while, and I think it’s time for a change, don’t you agree?
These modern days call for modern dog breeds… pups that will understand us and our lifestyles. How can a Poodle understand us when his lifestyle hasn’t changed since the 15th century?
We need fresh blood… modern-age pups that don’t mind their independence and solitude from time to time.
Poodles are old-school dogs.
I wouldn’t recommend them to younger people because these dogs don’t like all the perks of this era, including 10 different types of treats and meals specially curated just for them. They prefer staying in the past, munching on the same old food they munched on ages ago.
While they were supposed to evolve throughout the years, Poodles stayed just as they were. You’d think they’d improve themselves, or at least people would help them work on their temperaments.
But, no! Poodles have stayed the same: super proud of themselves for being extra even when that’s not asked from them.
2. They Have So Many Different Colors, It’s Ridiculous
Are they Poodles or are they clowns? Why? Because they’ve got the same curly hair and feature so many colors, you can easily mistake them for circus people.
Poodles are one of those dog breeds that come in over thirty color combinations. You never know which color will come with your Poodle puppy. The uncertainty about the coat color is not something people like. People want to know what they’re buying.
If a Poodle puppy gets lighter or darker over time, as he grows, the new shade might not be what that person was looking for. That’s why Poodles are the worst! Can’t they just come in one or two lovely shades?
Poodle colors can either be approved or not approved by the official American Kennel Club. What’s that nonsense? Why do Poodles think they’re so much better than other breeds of dogs just because their coat is colorful?
I’d pick a normal, black and white dog anytime, thank you very much. Fancy shades and pups like merle Poodles are not what we’re looking for. Let’s keep those snobbish colors off the radar for good!
3. They’re Big, Small, Tiny… They’re Everywhere!
The world is over swamped with Poodles! They’re everywhere!
Poodles come in four official sizes, including standard, medium, moyen Poodles, miniature, and toy. If we add the unofficial teacup size… that’s five. Some dogs only come in one size.
Imagine how many Poodles there are in the world when they come in so many different sizes?
Sure, some might say the sizes are a huge plus, but I wouldn’t agree. The versatility of the sizes is actually a downside, and one of the reasons why Poodles are the worst. How about some consistency? What’s up with all those sizes? Why couldn’t they agree on one size fits all?
Poodles are either too big to be cuddled or too fragile… you’re almost afraid to look at them.
All these sizes are just too confusing, and the difference between them is almost non-existent. I mean, no one on the street would be able to tell that you have a medium or a miniature Poodle.
4. They’re Snobbish And Fancy
Some say Poodles are graceful and elegant dogs. I wouldn’t agree.
My experience with Poodles is so different than with most people. I find Poodles the most snobbish dogs ever. They’re not elegant at all. They just believe they look better than the rest of the breeds.
I mean, what’s so special about their curly, hypoallergenic coat? Sure, it’s softer than most, but that’s not really that important, isn’t it?
Poodles always have ridiculous haircuts. While some dog owners might believe Poodle haircuts are absolutely stunning… they really aren’t. What’s so pretty about funny pieces of coat around their ankles and on top of their head?
Oh, and let’s not forget that hilarious bunch of curls on top of their shaved tail. Are they rats or are they dogs?
See, there’s nothing elegant about Poodles, not even the way they move around. Some other breeds, for example, Pugs, are far prettier, and not ugly as people think.
5. They Think They’re Better Than The Rest Of The Dogs
Speaking of a Poodle’s hypoallergenic coat…
Why do people want them so much? Is it really that they don’t cause allergies? I believe it’s a myth and something made up just to boost the popularity of Poodles.
Other dogs are valuable, too. Why would anyone pick just Poodles or Poodle mixes? Surely enough, they will shed, too, and cause allergies, right? Right?
Well, there are others who claim Poodles have no smell and no dead hair flying around. Living with them is a delight!
I don’t know… If you ask me, I’d say there’s nothing better than waking up all red and swollen, with a mouth full of dog hair. Oh, and that extra shedding really adds up to the aroma of your first morning coffee.
Let’s cut out the ridiculousness and embrace our shedding dogs, too!
6. They Can Be Quite Aggressive
Only an aggressive dog can hunt down small, helpless birds in a pond. What kind of monster is that? Those long, thin legs, with sharp nails, and tiny white teeth as sharp as a knife are a nightmare for every duck, geese, quail…
Poodles are pure evil. They just pretend they love their humans. In fact, they despise us very much, and care only about getting treats and tummy scratches. Oh, and that happy tail wagging as soon as you come home is nothing more than a sign your Poodle is ready for his meal.
Poodles are selfish, not caring at all. So what if your Poodle watches over your kids like a hawk, never letting them get into trouble? That doesn’t mean a thing.
Poodles are simply aggressive towards strangers, never happy to meet new people. They’re not sociable dogs, and prefer to be left alone all the time. Separation anxiety is not what they get. Ever.
Human interaction is not what Poodles need. They’re pretty self-sufficient, and if you bother them, you can end up like any fowl in the pond, lying under their feet.
7. They’re Just Too Loud
Here’s another reason why Poodles are the worst… Barking.
Poodles are an extremely vocal breed and not everyone’s cup of tea.
Different dog breeds have different levels of vocalization. Some pups, like Basenjis, aren’t vocal at all. They don’t even bark… they jodel.
However, Poodles are representatives of the barking community. They will talk to you using their Doodle voice, and won’t tone it down a notch if it’s too late.
If you’re living in an apartment or somewhere you’re not supposed to have pets, having a Poodle might be extremely problematic. Imagine your landlord coming over to check up on you and your Poodle won’t shut up. You’d be kicked out of that place for good.
Poodles can’t seem to shake off that happiness even with professional training. Man, they always have something to say! Damn yappy Poodles!
Getting a Poodle would be the end of your peaceful life, especially if you’re a fan of quiet mornings. Poodles are always ready to get up and start their day like some motivational coaches. It’s like they belong to Sharma’s 5 AM club!
Oh, and ignore what they’re saying. Just because Poodles constantly repeat that they love and appreciate you doesn’t mean it’s true.
8. They Love Hunting More Than Anything
Hunting is considered a cruel sport. I’m sorry if you’re a fan, but that’s just the truth. Why would it be cool to kill small, helpless animals? Just for fun. huh? That’s ridiculous, and what’s even more ridiculous is using dogs like Poodles for that job.
Poodles are evil little sidekicks that enjoy hunting down tiny animals that can’t help themselves. Why should that be cool in any way?
Imagine you’re a lovely little duck. You’ve just reached adulthood, and you’re super proud of yourself for exiting that ugly duckling phase. You’re wonderful and beautiful. The whole pond is yours!
All of a sudden, you hear some noise behind you. The grass is rustling and you feel weird, like someone’s watching you.
Before you know it, sharp canine teeth are digging into your tiny body, and the last words you hear are good boy. You’ve been caught by a Poodle because you’re a duck.
Poodles were specially bred to assist during such trips. Their useful role in hunting waterfowl has been popular for centuries. Just because people love them as pets and cuddle buddies doesn’t mean their DNA has changed.
They just pretend they love lounging on the sofa, but deep inside, their mind is playing ‘catch me if you can’ with ducks and geese.
9. They Think They’re The Smartest Breed
Just because they’re proclaimed as the World’s second smartest dog breed doesn’t mean that Poodles are more intelligent than others. Or, does it?
Facts are facts, whether we like them or not. Unfortunately, Poodles have the luxury of bragging about their intelligence just because some people said so.
When it comes to canine intelligence, it’s determined by using several factors, including how fast a dog responds to your commands, and how well he finishes a task. Poodles are ultimate superstars, and they do everything better than you’d expect.
Doesn’t this get on your nerves? How come they’re so spectacular and so smart? It looks to me like someone is deliberately putting Poodles first, no matter the list or the circumstances.
Why should Afghan Hounds or Chow Chows be considered as the dumbest dog breeds? Maybe they’re not! Maybe it’s the other way around. Someone’s definitely making sure Poodles look better than other breeds, and that’s absolutely disgusting.
I mean, Poodles surely didn’t deserve second place with their sharp mind, excellent responsiveness, and overall spectacular training skills.
10. They’re Big Chewers
No, they’re not chewing because of their sore gums from teething. Poodles chew because they’re actually the worst indoor dog breed of all time. They enjoy destroying slippers, table legs, and more because they’re simply evil dogs.
Poodles can only be the best dogs if you’re thinking of renovating your home and throwing out everything. They’re the best dog breed if you don’t care about your belongings at all.
But, Poodles don’t just chew on home items. They will chew on you, too! I’d be extra careful to prevent them from chewing kids’ feet and tiny toes. Chewing is something most dogs outgrow with the help of dog training, but not Poodles.
They’re notorious chewers and the worst dogs for gummy and squeaky toys!
To Sum Up…
Congrats, you’ve just finished reading why Poodles are the worst dogs! I hope you had fun because none of this is true for Poodles.
Poodles are, in fact, amazing, just as any other dog breed. There are numerous reasons why Poodles are simply terrific pups. I truly believe you had a good laugh, and you don’t believe I was dead serious.
Poodles are lovely, intelligent dogs, and worthy of your attention just like Pitbulls, Chihuahuas, Labradors, or any other dog breed. Their kind temperaments and amazing protective instincts make them one of the finest household pets ever.
No matter if you want a standard Poodle or a smaller version, the most important thing is to pick a puppy from a reputable breeder so you know you’re getting a healthy dog.